It’s the day before my first written exam and honestly… I’m procrastinating. It’s partly because I feel it’s too late to start studying for anything now and I may as well accept my failing grade with pride, but mostly it’s because I just don’t know what to do. Part of me knows nursing will be a good career for me, I’m smart enough, fit enough and basically well adjusted enough to do it. Midwifery even more so. The other part of me says it’s not what I want to do every morning. It doesn’t give me enough to look forward to every day (at least not studying to be one) and this whole process just seems a bit long winded and not worth it.
The thing is, neither is Veterinary Science. Sitting through 5 years to be a vet and then having to basically do a fellowship and gain years and years of experience before I can truly branch out on my own and be seen as an accomplished vet. It just seems like something that I’ll enjoy for maybe 4 years then get sick off, having wasted my time.
Right now, I just don’t know what I want to, and I definitely know I don’t want to end up like my parents. Both having dreams that didn’t even get close to being fulfilled. As of right now, I feel like I’m heading in the direction.
I’m stuck in Perth – a little city in Australia that half of Australia doesn’t acknowledge. I’m doing a degree, that yeah is interesting and gives me something to do, but doesn’t make me want to keep doing it; and yeah maybe that is because I’ve only completed my first semester and it’s incredibly basic and easy things to do. It just doesn’t feel like it fits me.
This blog, ironically, is the only thing I’m liking at the moment. I can sit and write out how I’m feeling, what I’m doing or even just a recipe for a cake and people will read it. People will get something out of it. Whether that be making themselves feel better – at least they aren’t 18 anymore. Or someone to empathize with- there sitting her next to me going through the same thing (metaphorically).
The last part of me wants to start blogging and even creating videos, full-time. Even though I didn’t stick to it, I saw what blogmas can do to my little platform; and the thought of reaching and influencing people (all for good) makes me happy. The thought of being able to see my life unfold and go back and see how far I’ve come in 2,3 years. It’s something that makes me excited. Another area of blogging/creating that excites me is seeing my style in whatever I chose to do change. Whether that be the clothes I wear (maybe make?) or the style of video I create, heck even the blog posts I write I want to see how aging will change my preferences, my loves and hates, me.
I’m still unsure little blog. This turtles got some thinking to do.