This story is a long one.
I’ve been a bigger person since I was about 4 years old. Due to difficult family situations and other reasons, I ate poorly and gained weight, quickly. Ever since then really I’ve been bullied, degraded and even fetishised all because of my weight.
For a long time, I even thought about going under surgeries and doing all of the extreme things to change my body to fit how I felt it should look. Around 3 years ago I realised that this intense self-hatred wasn’t doing me any good and was, in fact, making my situation worse. I ate so much under the guise of a ‘growing body’ when in reality I haven’t grown since I was about 13. I weigh a lot more than people think I do, which I guess is a blessing but it is also an almost shameful secret I have.
Last year I was finally diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome which creates an insulin resistance meaning I am constantly putting down fat. Making everything just that much harder.
I’ve been to a dietician and a physio in order to get advice that will truly help me lose weight and avoid diabetes and all of the complications that arise because of it.
Fast forward to today, and honestly, I’ve been doing pretty badly. I was tracking my food but I stopped having the motivation to do so, so I stopped. First bad idea. Then I stopped going to the free PT session that I was given when I joined my university’s cheer team. Bad Idea number 2. These lead to me falling back into bad habits and I haven’t improved at all.
On Wednesday, I bought a Fitbit. Something I can’t /really/ afford but so far, so good. I’ve tracked my food and it takes a pretty good measure of how much effort I’m putting into my workouts. It encourages me to move every hour and to get at least a 30-minute walk in every day. Two days a week I’m forced to do high-intensity training, which is amazing (I landed a cartwheel!!!); and now I finally think I can do this for real.