Struggle Street

Oh man.

For the past 2 weeks, I’ve been really struggling with where I want to go with my career and my life.

Although I’ve chosen Nursing this year, I’m finding the prospect of working in a highly political field daunting and something I don’t really want to do – unless I’m a politician. Although I am loving the hands on experience I’m gaining, it’s not in the field I want to be in and it’s not fulfilling me in the way I would hope.

I know some would argue that you shouldn’t find fulfillment in your job – but I’ve never wanted to work for work’s sake. I want my work to be something I am proud of, and that I look forward to going to every day. I don’t want to relive my school years every morning because the career I’m working in doesn’t give me something other than money.

The first thing I wanted to do, was to become a Vet. I know the pathway like the back of my hand. Animal Science/Animal Health double major – Do well. This is basically your first year of Vet, show them what you can do – Volunteer, do work experience, do everything you can to show intent. Show a range – the bigger the better. – Write a personal statement. ~500 words, typed and signed. submit with application with references. – land the interview, smash it out, you know the head of vet science, he see’s promise in you. don’t overuse that. show them what you can do. – Get into vet. smash the competition. – You’re a vet, congrats. Do good work.

After doing nursing for six months, part of me really wants to do vet. Like it’s smashing its way through all the bars I’d hid it behind. I dream about it. It makes me want to throw everything away – things that cost me a lot of money – because humans can be horrible, and mean, and hurtful and animals simply don’t know what they’re doing, they’re hurt and don’t know you’re helping them. Working outside, with large animals, making sure the horse that has been a champion all its life, lives out his day’s without pain. Figuring out why the Dairy cow has suddenly started bleeding from her udder. Looking after the pregnant cat as she goes through labor. All these things make me excited.

And look, I know the bad things. Believe me. I know. I’ve seen the horrible things that can happen when two animals too closely related mate – the spinal injuries that occur from overwork – the blindness that happens just because something is aging – the change in behavior that breaks owners heart because and animal has cancer. I’ve watched animals being put down and the only thing I don’t think I could do – put down a healthy animal. I couldn’t work at a kill shelter – I don’t want to work at kill shelters – I don’t want there to be a need for them.

I have 4 options

  1. Stick out nursing, see how I like it in real life.
  2. Try and get into the double midwifery and nursing degree- see if that specialty is for me
  3. Finish this year – do well. Move to Murdoch and do their animal science/health double major and smash out the first year. Follow through to vet
  4.  Defer this year. Do volunteering and working in the animal field, and hopefully the medical field. See which one I like better and make a definite choice.

I honestly don’t know what to do. My heart is telling me one thing, while my rationality is telling me another.


See ya on the flip side



My Journey with Fitness

This story is a long one.

I’ve been a bigger person since I was about 4 years old. Due to difficult family situations and other reasons, I ate poorly and gained weight, quickly. Ever since then really I’ve been bullied, degraded and even fetishised all because of my weight.

For a long time, I even thought about going under surgeries and doing all of the extreme things to change my body to fit how I felt it should look. Around 3 years ago I realised that this intense self-hatred wasn’t doing me any good and was, in fact, making my situation worse. I ate so much under the guise of a ‘growing body’ when in reality I haven’t grown since I was about 13. I weigh a lot more than people think I do, which I guess is a blessing but it is also an almost shameful secret I have.

Last year I was finally diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome which creates an insulin resistance meaning I am constantly putting down fat. Making everything just that much harder.

I’ve been to a dietician and a physio in order to get advice that will truly help me lose weight and avoid diabetes and all of the complications that arise because of it.

Fast forward to today, and honestly, I’ve been doing pretty badly. I was tracking my food but I stopped having the motivation to do so, so I stopped. First bad idea. Then I stopped going to the free PT session that I was given when I joined my university’s cheer team. Bad Idea number 2. These lead to me falling back into bad habits and I haven’t improved at all.

On Wednesday, I bought a Fitbit. Something I can’t /really/ afford but so far, so good. I’ve tracked my food and it takes a pretty good measure of how much effort I’m putting into my workouts. It encourages me to move every hour and to get at least a 30-minute walk in every day. Two days a week I’m forced to do high-intensity training, which is amazing (I landed a cartwheel!!!); and now I finally think I can do this for real.

Seeya Later


Nursing First Semester Review

I’m over half way through my nursing first semester and I thought I’d write something about my experiences. So here we are.

First of all, I had to get my head around the way that my semester and school was run.

To break it down, our semester is basically set in two parts. The first is content learning, where we go through four to five units of content in 9 weeks and do all of our assignments etc. The second half of our semester is our practical placements/ a break. In first semester (AKA Stage 1) we only complete 1 week of practical placement and it is almost exclusively in an aged care facility.

The first half was definitely the most challenging. I took four units as I am in the single degree of nursing. I was aiming for the double nursing and midwifery degree, but alas I didn’t get a high enough score.

All of the nursing classes consist of what’s called a flipped classroom. Instead of going to lectures and doing most of the learning deep learning separately, the nursing school has decided to provide us with Interactive Learning Activities (ILA’s) that act as our lectures and often link out to youtube videos that usually add to our learning. We then have on campus tutorials that go through the content learnt, usually in teams, that extends our knowledge. I found this really good as it made me responsible for what I got out of the ILA’s and also how I interacted in the tutorials.

Arguably, the most important unit we have is our practical unit. Here we go through the useful skills we will need to care for patients in the future. We have a demonstration ward that is an almost exact copy of a hospital ward and this allows us to practice in a real world setting; without the possibility of hurting someone while we are learning. This follows on with a practical placement where we use the skills we’ve learnt; firstly in an aged care facility.

I learnt so much in my practical placement. Not necessarily skills wise but about myself, and what I can truly handle. I honestly thought that I would find the placement incredibly confronting and hard to handle, and although I did have some moments where I found it hard to grasp what I was seeing, I did pretty well.

Now I’m heading into revision city. I have about 4 and a half weeks left until my end of semester exams. One of which I have to pass otherwise I fail the course (I’m not scared you are) I’m planning my revision schedule tomorrow, and honestly, I’m not looking forward to it.

That’s it. Half way through.

Seeya next time