So this year I started university. At first I was nervous blah blah blah, but as an LGBT person I was also nervous to have to “come out” to all these people that I was meeting. I didn’t know how to slip in into conversation or how people were going to react. Now for simplicity, I’m the B in LGBT but I’m currently in a relationship with a girl. So it makes me appear to be the L. So instead of saying “I’m Bi” I’ve simply being saying “my girlfriend” Leading almost everyone to believe I’m gay. I personally have no problems with this but it has lead to some interesting events occuring.
1.Boys think they can hit on/talk about girls around me
Now I have no problems with this at all really. Except when it comes to one particular guy who we shall refer to as Zaphod. Now Zaphod is in his thirty’s, has 2 boys and is severely overweight. His main reason for wanting to go into nursing: The money. His second reason: He’ll be surrounded by girls. Yes thats right, not that he cares, or wants to help people. He wants to get laid.
This to me so problematic in so many areas, however it gets worse.
There is a 17 year old in 2 of the classes we share. She is obviously young and obviously immature around the topic of sex, heck I’m not that open about it. However we were walking between said classes when he says “Me being friends with an 18-year-old gay chick, not a problem, me being friends with a fresh 17-year-old just out of highschool, big problem.” This physically made my skin crawl. I understand what he was trying to say – society automatically will judge him as pedophilic if he was to instigate a relationship with this girl, a relationship of any kind – however the fact that he automatically had a sexual attraction to her, and an implied sexual attraction to me made me feel sick. Properly, I-need-to-throw-up sick. And this isn’t the worst thing he’s said.
Just today, we were waiting between classes, I was with three guys, waiting outside our building. They were all smoking whatever, when a pretty girl walks past. They immediately stopped their conversations – which at this point where relatively academic- and started to discuss this girls body. Zaphod, without thinking, said “I love it when girls don’t wear bras.” In this moment. I was not wearing a bra.
Beeble (boy 2) said “Don’t you love it when girls wear tight shorts like that” In this moment. I was wearing a tight dress.
Brox (boy 3) Pointed out that I was standing there.
This didn’t seem to phase Zaphod and he simply said “Yeah but shes a lesbian, she’s into this” as if me being a “lesbian” lessened the fact that they were objectifying the girls around me and that it physically replused me. Luckily these are the few guys I trust to not be violent and so I said “Doesn’t mean I don’t think your pathetic for hitting on girls nearly half your age.” He barely acknowledged me and continued with his chat about something IT, probably.
There are so many instances of this, its insane, I could write an essay (woops I’m avoiding one) on just how piggish this guy is and the things he’s said and done. However I have another point to make
2. Boys think I am ‘safe’
This ones a little weirder, and I honestly didn’t think it would happen but oh how i was wrong.
This example, is Brox.
Now Brox is a guy closer to my age – 21- and so I feel more comfortable on challenging his sexist values, and mostly he realises his errors. However I have noticed that he still thinks that I am “safe” simply because I “cannot” see him as a sexually entity.
This one I feel kinda bad about. The only reason I can see that this man believes he can talk about ‘feminist’ issues with me is that, because of my sexuality, we will never be together. It’s a hard thing to describe, but its a thing that is very much real.
I can hear people saying that I’m reading too much into this already, but I have proof.
There is a girl. Similar height, weight, appearance, everything. We aren’t the same by any means, and we are very much individual, but we would be ‘rated’ about the same. He instigated a relationship with her with the intent of doing ‘something’ idk what that something is and frankly, im not sure i want to, but my point is, because he knows that I am “gay” he didn’t with me. Now, He is the one person who didn’t hear “My girlfriend” first but rather saw my pride tattoo.
It feels good to be “safe” but I hate the reason behind it
3. I feel as though now I can’t “come out”
This one is a deeply personal one, but its true.
Because these people now know me as “the gay girl” I feel as though if I corrected them, my friendships with said people would change. Sometimes I’m scared they would change for the worse.
Frankly, I’m just scared of what might happen. Would this group of boys suddenly treat me different? Would I know longer trust them to not get violent? Would my trust – which is only slowly being put back into the male population- be ruined?
I don’t really know, but I guess we’ll see.