This is going to be a pretty sappy post, I’m not going to lie. It’s all about my gorgeous girlfriend Paige.
Now, our story doesn’t start out all that incredible. If anything, it kinda proves how shallow I was and how incredibly stupid I was as a young 15-year-old. I first met Paige when I was in year 10, neither of us really remember how we actually met, but it feels like she’s always been in my life.
I remember having a crush on her, I caught her smiling at something and I caught this little butterfly fluttering in my stomach and I just thought – Oh shit not again. I was still struggling with the homosexual side of my sexuality so every time I liked a girl it scared me a little bit, and I liked this girl so much. Eventually, I gave up on it, after all, why would an older straight girl like me? I silly younger girl with not much to give to people. Later that week in fact, I found out she liked me too. I was too scared to say anything so I decided to just give up on it.
About a year later I was invited to go to a marriage equality rally with a few friends, being the savvy young girl I was, I invited Paige, I was trying to drop hints that I was into her, and that I knew she liked me, and that I wanted to ask her out but I was too scared to, but I don’t think she really got any of that and our story was put on hold yet again.
Finally, nearly another year later, I couldn’t deal with this ‘will they, won’t they’ crap that had been going on and I asked her out. It wasn’t very romantic, in fact it kinda went something like this
‘Hey umm, I’m a little bit over this shit, do you wanna maybe go on a date with me? Idk it might be fun, we might get some lols’
It wasn’t very good looking back on it, and I kinda feel shit about it right now, but that date kickstarted our relationship.
It was horrid on my part, Pokemon Go had just been released and I played it for most of the date. I then did the most stupid and gay thing you can do on a gay date. I put my hand in between the two of our seats and she got this sign and held my hand. It was honestly one of the best moments of that day and it ended so nicely, she walked me home (we live close to eachother) and we nearly kissed. However, I was so nervous I quickly ran inside and left her outside… forgetting my beanie in the process.
Fast forward a few months and we had been talking on facebook almost every night. Nothing was official and we weren’t really heading in that direction, in fact we were both talking to others while talking to each other. After seeing her kiss someone else on Snapchat, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked her if she saw anything in this. I can’t remember what she said exactly but it was something along the lines of ‘yes but no’. I suggest we hang out a bit and see what happens.
Since that day we’ve spent maybe 3 days apart? We were dating unoffically for about 2 weeks. We spent so much time together, and I kept falling in love with her more and more every day.
There was this one day. We went to the tattoo convention and she got this amazing pride tattoo on her arm. It suited her so well and I just absolutely loved it. Something about watching her get that tattoo made me realise just how much I wanted to be with this girl. She was so strong and just amazing that day, I knew I had to make her mine. However there was a hitch.
You see I was still struggling with my sexuality. I wanted so bad to be straight, to have a boyfriend and fit in with what not only my mum wanted for me that everyone around me wanted for me. It took me about a week to figure this out and unfortunately, she asked me out half way through this and even though I said yes originally, I reneged on that about an hour later. I felt so shit because everything in my body was saying that I needed to be in this girls life, however my mind was stopping me. I still feel so bad about this event.
I’m so sorry.
However, this story has a happy ending. On the 23rd of September 2016 I asked her to be my girlfriend. I spent around an hour going through our favourite book Looking For Alaska. You see in this book there’s a line that says ‘Will you be my girlfriend’. I put a sticky note underneath it that said
C) Kiss me’
Her reaction was to say ‘Is there an all of the above’. It was honestly the best day of my life.
That isn’t the end of our story. Every day I’m with her, I fall more and more in love with her. Sure, we fight over little things, but most of the time, the more we fight, the closer we end up. I couldnt imagine living my life any other way.